Rexie the Unicorn!
by XXPay4XtraShippingsXX
Summary: Racer X wakes up to find that Speed and Spritle Racer have found a map to Candy Mountain! But how did Speed and Spritle find out that he was their older brother Rex, and why are they acting like such lunatics?


Racer X was asleep in bed when he heard a voice.

"Hey…Rex…Hey, Rex, wake up."

"Yeah, Rex! You silly sleepyhead, wake uuuup…"

"Waah! How do you know my name?" he cried, sitting up fast. Speed and Spritle Racer were standing next to his bed with creepy grins. "Wha-Speed? Spritle? Ugh, this better be important. Did something happen to the Mach 5?"

"No, Rex, we found a maaap to Candy Mountain. _Candy Mountain, Rex!_" giggled Speed.

"Yeah, Rex, we're going to Candy Mooountain," echoed Spritle. "Come with us, _big broooooo!_"

"How do you even know I'm—" He felt his face. Oh. No mask. Oops. He quickly grabbed his mask and pulled it on.

"It'll be an adventure! We're going on an adveentuuure, big broooooo!" yelled Speed.

"Yeah Candy Mountain right. I'm going back to bed…" muttered Racer X.

"NOOOOOO!" shrieked Spritle. He got on the bed and started jumping on his older brother's stomach, shoes on and everything.

"Argh, get off!" cried Racer X.

"You have to come with us to Candy Mountain!" insisted Spritle.

"Yeah, Rex, you gotta come with us to Candy Mooountain!" echoed Speed. "It's a land of sweets and joy…and joyness…"

_Okay, either I'm dreaming, this is some twisted joke, or my younger brothers have officially _lost _it!_ thought Racer X. "Please stop bouncing on me…"

"Candy Mountain, Rex!" was all Spritle said to this.

"Yeah, bro, Candy Mountain…"

"ALL RIGHT, FINE, I WILL GO TO CANDY MOUNTAIN WITH YOU CRAZY PEOPLE!"

* * *

Racer X got into the Mach 5 with Speed and Spritle, who started singing as Speed drove the car. "La la la, la la laa, la la la, lalalalala, la la la la la…"

"Enough with the singing already," groaned Racer X.

"Our first stop is over there, Rex…" giggled Speed. He was pointing to a gas station where Trixie and Sparky were holding a grinning Chim Chim. It was creepy…

"What does Chim Chim have to do with this?" asked Racer X, annoyed.

"It's a leopleurodon, Rex," said Spritle.

"A _magical _leopleurodon…" added Speed.

"It's gonna guide our way to Candy Mountain…"

Trixie and Sparky carried the monkey closer to the car.

"All right, guys, you do know that that is Chim Chim, not a leopleurodon, and that there's no actual Candy Mountain, right?" asked Racer X hopefully. Maybe this really was just a sick joke.

All four of the lunatics looked at him in disbelief. "Shun the non-believer!" gasped Speed.

"Shuuuun…" echoed Trixie.

"," finished Spritle.

"Yeah," sighed Racer X. _Dare to dream, Rex. Dare to dream._

Everyone was silent for a few minutes. Speed broke the silence as Trixie and Sparky left with Chim Chim. "It has spoken!"

"It has told us the waaay…" exhaled Spritle.

"It didn't _say _anything!" objected Racer X. But Speed and Spritle paid no heed to his objection.

* * *

Speed drove the Mach 5 for a while. _For such odd behavior_, thought Racer X, _he still drives pretty well._

Eventually, the little group got out of the car and walked onto a bridge. "It's just over this bridge, Reeex…" promised Spritle. "This magical bridge…of hope and wondeeeer…"

Boy, it felt weird being called Rex. "Uh, is anyone else getting, like, covered in splinters?" Odd, he was wearing shoes. "Seriously, we shouldn't be on this thing."

"Rex…Reeex…_Reeeex…_" said Speed.

"_I'm right here, what do you want?_"

Speed paused for a moment. "We're on a bridge, Rex!"

* * *

"We're heeere!" announced a proud Spritle as they walked up to a pink hill composed of candy. There was a sign on top that said "Candy Mountain."

Racer X was impressed. "Well, what do you know; there actually is a Candy Mountain."

"Candy Mountain," sang Speed, "Candy Mountain, fill me with sweet, sugary goodness…"

"Go inside the Candy Mountain Cave, Rex," said Spritle.

"Yeah, Rex! Go inside the cave," added Speed. "There are magical wonders to behold inside when you enter…"

Racer X felt weird about it. "Yeah, uh…thanks but no thanks, I'm gonna stay out here…"

"But you _have _to enter the Candy Mountain Candy Cave, Rex," argued Spritle.

Suddenly, five letters, C, A, N, D, and Y, jumped off of the sign and started dancing! The letter Y started to sing.

"_**Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up, then just head right on up to the Candy Mountain Cave. When you get inside find yourself a cheery lad, such a happy and joy-filled and perky merry land. We've got lollypops and gummy drops and candy things, oh so many things that will brighten up your day. It's impossible to wear a frown in Candy Town; it's the mecca of loving candy cane.**_" Here, everyone except Racer X began floating. _What does that even mean?_ thought the confused man.

"_**They've got jelly beans and coconuts with little hats, candy rats, chocolate bats; it's a wonderland of sweets. Ride the candy train to town and hear the candy band; candy bells, it's a treat, as they march across the land. Cherry ribbons stream across the sky and to the ground; turn around, it astounds, it's a dancing candy tree. In the Candy Cave imagination runs so free; now please, Rex, would you just go into the cave?**_" Then, as Racer X's brothers descended back onto the ground, all of the letters exploded.

Racer X had had about enough of this. "All right, fine, I'll go into the stupid Candy Cave. This had better be good…" As he walked in, he heard eerie laughter.

"Goodbye, Rex!" That was Speed's voice.

"Yeah, goodbye, Rex!" That was Spritle.

"Goodbye? What?" The cave door closed. Racer X ran to it and banged the door. "Hey, what's going on here? Hello?" He heard footsteps. "Who is that?" A swift punch to the head knocked him out.

* * *

Outside…

"Ha, ha, we got you!" laughed Spritle.

"That'll teach you to abandon your family, Rex!" snickered Speed.

Pops Racer walked out of the cave dragging Rex along. "This was an excellent way to help me channel my furious energy without yelling at him. Good work, boys." He was followed by Mom Racer, who was clutching her head.

"We have such a dysfunctional family…" she sighed.

"And friends!" added Trixie and Sparky, who were running across the bridge holding Chim Chim.

"Urgh…" groaned Racer X.

"Hey, he's waking up!" gasped Spritle.

"Huh…?" Racer X blinked and sat up. "Aw, man, I was hoping this was just a sick dream…"

"Nope! We were just teaching you a lesson for leaving your family," said Speed, high-fiving all of the others with a grin.

"Wha—"Rex put a hand on his face, feeling for his mask, only to feel warm skin. He noticed it in Speed's hand. "Oh. Couldn't you guys have just confronted me about it or something…?"

"That would have been _so _boring!" replied Spritle, aghast.

"I'm sure…" replied Racer X, rubbing his head.

* * *

I got the idea when reading some Charlie the Unicorn parodies. Why not throw Speed Racer into the mix?

Plus, I've been wanting to write a Speed Racer fic. :)


End file.
